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S2026E10 - "331 - Patrice O'Neal Destroyed Me"
Foi ao ar em Jun 15, 2026, 12:00 PM
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Episódios (8 Temporadas · 331 Episódios)
322 - The Worst Way To End The Year
It's the final Winter Bears of the season, and Stavros & Chris are ringing in the New Year the only way they know how: complaining about first class, overeating pastries, and making terrible life decisions! As 2025 wraps, the boys reflect on blown resolutions, chaotic travel plans, New Jersey "vacations," and Chris' catastrophic decision to roast the entire Jersey Shore cast. Plus: Delta lounge politics, childhood SNL trauma, double-the-bread-double-the-head, and Stav helping Chris talk through the worst career choice he's ever made.
Jan 5, 2026
66 min
323 - The End Of Humanity
The OG Bears are back on this absolutely unhinged episode of 2 Bears, 1 Cave! Bert Kreischer and Tom Segura dive headfirst into VR porn disasters, accidental virtual orgies, and the terrifying realization that Oculus might actually be ending humanity. Bert recounts a weekend alone that spirals into nine virtual orgies, soul-stealing eye contact, and panic-induced controller fumbling in a pitch-black room. The Bears also unpack loneliness, online hate comments, incel psychology, and how social media gives angry dudes a place to scream just to feel noticed. From there, things somehow get deeper: wealth guilt, excess consumption, purging hundreds of shoes and jackets, Mounjaro weight loss, beating Jelly Roll in the next 2 Bears 5K, parenting chaos, friendship evolution, Jake Paul as a "god," and why success is always part luck. Enjoy the Bears while they're here.
Jan 12, 2026
62 min
324 - Bert's Not Dead
This week on Two Bears, One Cave, Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer spiral gloriously through brand loyalty, fast-food hot takes, donuts, Super Bowl commercials, health scares, and the kind of brutally honest conversations only best friends can have. The Bears break down why Pepsi Zero Sugar might actually be better than Coke Zero, debate McDonald's fries vs. literally everyone else, and revisit classic brand wars like Burger King vs. McDonald's and Dunkin' vs. Krispy Kreme. From Blooming Onion horror stories to why you should never order seafood at a steakhouse, this episode is packed with food takes that will absolutely start arguments. Bert also opens up about his recent blood clot scare, panic attacks, medications, and how the experience completely shifted his perspective on health, mortality, and gratitude. The guys also talk sleep apnea machines, Benadryl addictions, Mounjaro side effects, testosterone confusion, and why medical advice somehow never agrees ever. Plus: donut shop conspiracies in Los Angeles, Cambodian vs. Vietnamese sandwich excellence, Krispy Kreme's wild history, Instagram's "fatties eating" algorithm, tracking down Ari Shaffir in the jungle, and why the 2 Bears 5K might literally save lives.
Feb 9, 2026
62 min
325 - The Most Redacted Episode Ever
In this episode of 2 Bears, 1 Cave, Bert Kreischer and Tom Segura cover everything from Bert's sorta sober lifestyle, weight loss, sleep improvement, and 5K training to marriage non-negotiables, separate bedrooms, and life on tour. The Bears also react to internet beef between Quentin Tarantino and Rosanna Arquette, joke about the Epstein files, discuss "kept women", talk Trump and Mar-a-Lago, share a tense aborted plane landing story, and spiral into one of their darkest and funniest hypothetical conversations yet. If you missed this show, this one's for you.
Mar 16, 2026
76 min
326 - Somethings Burning And It's Bert's Bus
Bert Kreischer and Tom Segura are back with a wild new episode of 2 Bears, 1 Cave, and this one has everything: a terrifying tour bus fire, Bert's ongoing recovery from blood clots, near-death anxiety, celebrity gossip, and a heated defense of napping. Bert breaks down the shocking story of how his bus blew a tire outside Fargo, was left behind overnight, and then burst into flames just hours later — a moment that may have saved everyone on board. He and Tom unpack how close the situation really was, what Bert lost in the fire, and why he's still obsessing over the hats. The Bears also dive into Bert's fear of flying, life on blood thinners, what it means to face mortality without booze, and the bizarre mental spiral that comes with multiple near-death experiences in a matter of months. From there, the conversation takes its usual chaotic turn into Club Shay Shay, the "lost everything and got it back" misunderstanding, the Jeffrey Epstein email chatter, Chappell Roan backlash, and whether Jon Bernthal is dead wrong about naps. They also talk about the upcoming 2 Bears 5K in Pasadena on May 9, Bert's current fitness goals, and whether he can break 30 minutes in the race.
Apr 6, 2026
75 min
327 - The End Is Here w/ Ari Shaffir
Welcome back to 2 Bears 1 Cave! This week, Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer are joined by the always unpredictable Ari Shaffir, dropping in to promote "The End", a bold, no-holds-barred storytelling series that serves as a spiritual sequel and final evolution of his cult-favorite show This Is Not Happening. This episode dives deep into Ari's return to long-form storytelling, breaking down how The End was independently produced with a stacked lineup featuring top-tier comics and a unique profit-sharing model that actually pays performers. The trio reflects on the evolution of comedy since Ari's original show, from Comedy Central's heyday to today's creator-driven landscape. The conversation spirals into outrageous personal stories, behind-the-scenes industry insights, and hilarious debates about everything from sobriety culture to the lost art of live storytelling. There's also an unforgettable deep dive into a near-collaboration with Tracy Morgan, a story that almost made it into final show, and the unhinged unseriousness of morning show promotional interviews. Check out The End, y'all! We legit worked hard on it here at Studio Jeans.
Apr 20, 2026
72 min
328 - The Bears Go Up In Smoke
This week on 2 Bears, 1 Cave, Tim and Bart go up in smoke, sharing cigars together as they talk about whatever floats around in their collective heads. They talk about fat guy problems, before going into Tiger Woods' spiraling personal life. The Bears also walk down memory lane, comparing the infamous fat Bert pitching photo to one of him recently, and the drastic change is pretty staggering. They also unpack the text exchange between a student and the teacher sister of influencer Noah Beck, share some wild drug stories, and check out a clip of Doug Stanhope roasting a city council. Also the 2 Bears 5k is coming up! Hope you been training.
May 4, 2026
76 min
329 - Live from the Rose Bowl | 2 Bears 5K ft. Jelly Roll, Ari Shaffir, Joe DeRosa & Are You Garbage?
Live from the legendary Rose Bowl during Netflix Is A Joke Fest, the Bears are back and even sweatier than usual! Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer take the stage fresh off the 2 Bears 5K for a completely unhinged live episode packed with race stories, weight loss victories, comic cameos, chaos, and pure degeneracy. Joined by Jelly Roll, Ari Shaffir, Joe DeRosa, and the guys from Are You Garbage?, the crew covers everything from losing hundreds of pounds and surviving airplane bathrooms while fat, to bidet discoveries, Netflix brunch disasters, H. Foley's iPhone nightmare, and the emotional insanity that surrounds the 2 Bears community. Plus: Bert reveals he mailed busts of his own dick to his closest friends, Ari returns from traveling the world with a surprise award, and the whole crew spirals into stories about body transformations, sobriety, addiction, and comedy fame.
May 18, 2026
72 min
330 - Nick Kroll Convinced Netflix to Air Animated Animal Sex | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
This week on 2 Bears 1 Cave, Nick Kroll joins Tom and Bert to break down his new Netflix animated series Mating Season, why animation produces tighter comedy than anything shot on the fly, and the emotional formula behind Big Mouth that turned a filthy puberty show into something people actually shed real tears for. Along the way, they get into an all-timer story from a legendary comedy industry gathering featuring basically every comic you've ever loved, Tom's Charlie Murphy sushi dinner story, Bert's 50-pound weight loss and very specific relapse date, a true urban legend about Michael Landon and a javelin, a genuinely compelling movie pitch called The Quad Squad, and somehow end up in a deep dive on the Eichmann trial, featuring Sir Ben Kingsley showing up to a table read entirely off-book with a swastika-covered script.
Jun 1, 2026
105 min
331 - Patrice O'Neal Destroyed Me
This week on 2 Bears, 1 Cave, Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer celebrate Por Osos landing in Publix just in time for the 4th of July, which sends Bert into a full nostalgic spiral about pub subs, boat days, and taking his daughters into "international waters." From there, things get historical, the bears break down the story of the guy who invented the meter and got guillotined for it, which leads them down a rabbit hole of people killed for their big ideas, the French Revolution as the original cancel culture, and Martin Luther versus the Catholic Church.
Jun 15, 2026
76 min
